life · People · random

Yeh Kahan Aa Gaye Hum….

One of my friends asked this n00b(new admit, this fall in my university) why is he not doing a thesis and has settled for a non-thesis. The guy beats around the bush only to finally admit that it is all because he got into a relationship(after arriving here), has to think about the girl’s family, when they would bring up the issue of marriage in her house and it would be better for him if he gets out of school soon. These people have just passed out of their college.


I then think about all those men who are meticulously working towards their career. Men, elder by many years to me. I think of my roommate who has come here with two years of experience, after a five year college degree and may also think of an MBA or a PhD in the future. And I’ve seen him be so career oriented and consider him to be a perfect role model for anyone. And then we all know about this guy!

Is this a case of some misplaced righteousness? Or like Elaine Miller would say, some case of compromised values and diminished brain cells? Maybe it is just a case of – to each his own! OF course, it is perfectly plausible that both the tracks(professional and relationships) remain mutually exclusive and go hand in hand.

Nevertheless, like I mentioned in Nirmal’s blog on the same lines – “Technology has improved so much ah?!”


29 thoughts on “Yeh Kahan Aa Gaye Hum….

  1. The fellow is not that bright. He can have both love and a healthy relationship. His career is important. Going the thesis route can lead to so much more for him. Check out my blog on love and relationships at Love My Journey to find out how to determine whether a person is worthy of you or not.

    The Full Moon Cycle is for completing things. That’s the cycle we are in right now. See my blog at to see how the Moon changing signs affects your emotional reaction. Choose your timing well!


  2. Correct me if I didn’t get this right.This chap might drop out of course, even though he’s fresh as a sap, because he wants to get hitched to his girl pal, unlike other young men who remain focussed on their studies?
    Each time I ask myself a question like this I recall Somerset Maughaum’s modern fable ‘Ant & the Grasshopper’.

    Adi: So you had me Google all that. Hmmm, ennamo solrel, puriyudhu :P


  3. wait a nimir for two minits, yuvar also not doing thesis na. You are finishing MS in 3 sems, now now…

    kausni khichdi pak rahi hain bhai? Deserate to get a job so that ……

    I rest my case, anyone can fill the blanks. But things are pretty obvious!

    while I’m at it i’ll give you one more gurumantra from BB…

    Early marriges are like lunch at a wedding. Given the rate at which ppl are going finding partners, waiting till 27/28 will be like going to eat at 12 when lunch was announced at 11 itself.
    You have to be happy with leftover sambar and broken aplams…..

    Adi: You want me to fill in the blanks? Desperate to get a job/finishing in 3 sems so that…I finish my frikkin loan off! Moreover, he is in a dept where funding is possible. I am not. But that’s not the reason I ain’t doing a thesis! :P Lol, BB rocks!But you are in front of the line pa!


  4. Showkku late-a pona ticket kadaikardhu kashtam. Ticket kadaichaalum, it may not be in the row that you wanted.

    Which is why we have something called “advance booking”

    Note the point.

    Adi: Advance Booking is done 5 days before the show. Not one month before. Catch my point? :p


  5. hehe.. i myself view my career as a bucking horse that we have to control without using reins.. difficult job..

    such characters plenty in my university too.. they are also equally open and brash about their choices (or the lack of it) and go on about their lives koothadichifying.. there are others who are totally focussed on their careers and know exactly what they want to do in life.

    the funny thing is the first category of people (from what i have observed till now), get good jobs that pay well, become social drinkers and smokers, get really pretty girlfriends and settle down in a nice condo.. its only the 2nd category that end up getting disillusioned with their jobs, lives, wives, become alcoholics and end up killing themselves in the near future (i’m exaggerating ofc).. sometimes its just better to be a sheep and do something for the sake of doing it than for any inner reasons.

    Adi: No, it’s not like people who koothu adichify cannot/would not do well in their careers. It’s about the choices and priorities. They can all go hand in hand, am sure.


  6. lol, I suppose each have their priorities in order. :)
    At least the guy’s finishing his grad, I once heard someone dumped dental college to run off with some useless fellow.
    IF I ever see her again, I plan on thwacking her. That’s what’s wrong.
    Before some righteous folks accuse me, she’s doing squat. Has 2 kids and cooks day in and day out and word has it that she’s miserable, not happy cooking day in and day out.

    Adi: Lol, tell me when you see her. I want to witness the “thwacking”!


  7. Adi,
    i dont know what is the difference between taking thesis and non thesis? nammaku MS terms la seriya puriyadhu

    Professional and Relationships definetly can go hand in hand but in the beginning i hv seen so many fellas slack at work, unable to times i wonder job is also important..

    Finally what does this title mean?
    Ek gayon mein ek kissan raghu thata???

    Adi: Lol, it loosely translates to Where have we come….


  8. “Maybe it is just a case of – to each his own!”

    Nothing is correct or wrong. It’s not like we are going to a different league. Instead of earning 90K, we might end up with 110K. Big deal. At least that guy knows what will make him happy. I don’t think we do.

    End of the day you shouldnt’ think “if only I…”.

    Adi: Yes macha, exactly. Now, go marry Xg.


  9. oye:) i think… its understandable…when u re in lowwwe everything else seems unimportant… i dont mean u ignore ur career… but u know if u chase ur career…u might achieve everythg u want and suddenly realise u dont have what u d have wanted most…maybe to this guy his love means his life… i think he is konjam crack like u said..coz lol a thesis and non thesis is just 6 months difference…(well i plan to do a thesis by dec!!-I WONDER HOW!!) anyway… i dont think 6 months makes any difference:) lol even if these guys are just out of college…sometimes ppl mature early(though he is immature to compromise on somethg like this) but we have no right to comment or be judgemental… i just hope…his lowwe does nt leave him…or that it works out..coz he sure loves her a lot to compromise so much… wish he balanced both though:)

    and ‘in the long run, we’re all dead’

    so maybe he wants to do the stuff that makes him happiest in the short run:)

    i’d really like to know who this is now:)

    Adi: Yabba! Typical Lakshmi long explanation. If only this was a chat window it would have never ended! :P


  10. Thesis is just six months away and i don’t see the urgency in that guy!

    I don’t agree that a guy who spends years and years in college is career oriented and the guy who wants to rush out in three semesters is not.

    The best part i see many people doing Phd after getting married! This is even more common among Indians who do an MBA in the US i guess….

    Loved reading your post!

    Adi: No, am not saying that. It can go hand in hand. It’s all the reason that he gave!


  11. Hhaha is it the case with guys, I think girls are getting married late in life nowadays.
    To each his own, is true. Some are career minded, want to achieve things in life, some want to settle in life and achieve whatever is possible.
    But like at that time, in the ‘lovey dovey’ phase, your eyes are clouded me thinks :–)

    Adi: Methinks nu yen solra? I know nu solllu :P
    You are the pro and we are the noobs SK. Nee sonna it will be correct! After all you should be giving tips on how to maintain both the tracks effortlessly! :)


  12. Haan also wanted to add, life partner is very important, as obviously she is going to be with you through out your life. You can have a fantastic career but if your personal life is miserable, is it fun?
    Career we can probably settle later also, after getting married also, but once the love of your life is gone…. what is the guarantee you will find someone you like later?
    And…. also Adi, doing a thesis, not doing a thesis…. trust me, doesnt make tooo much different once u land a job.

    Adi: Yep, I agree with that, it doesn’t make much of a difference. You can still be career oriented. But the reason he gave was what baffled me!


  13. For all we know the guy probably has a plan and its more important for him to pursue that plan!

    What is good for the goose is not for the gander.

    It goes both ways though, saying I wont complete high school and run away with a girl is wrong but this seems much less offensive. There are a whole bunch of people who simply think a thesis does not add value to them and they are better off getting a job. So again, to each his own.


  14. Whoa! You have mistaken me for someone a whole lot smarter. I don’t have it together nearly that well- life- or career-wise!

    Granted the noob is perhaps not too smart for thinking he’s ready for marriage with a girl he’s known for a month and that getting out of college 6 months early would make a difference in his prospects, still he was just going to forgo a thesis that 9/10 times adds no value to his degree. I, on the other hand, was ready to push my career back by a whole year to get to better know someone that I had known for just 2 weeks! Luckily, it didn’t work out. Cupid targets us all, and the more immune we appear, the bigger suckers we become.


  15. Enjoying the intellectual cut and thrust of this debate! In my time, it was rumored that some people’s brains were located someplace other than the skull, causing them to take decisions not entirely cerebral, an affliction more to be pitied than censured.

    Of course, the real problem with letting romance guide your life is that it doesn’t take long for the broad mind and narrow waist to interchange places, by which time it is too late.


  16. I’ve been working on a research project for the past 6 months. At some point, I hope to be able to publish an article, if not a book on it.

    In some peoples’ astrology charts, there is a pattern called a kite formation. These people have all the potential in the world to be successful. However, in studying over 200+ charts [for statistical reasons], I have found that 50% chose not to “fly their kites to success”. When I tease out the reasons for it, it boils down to Emotional IQ and letting fear rule their lives. Hence my post today. Check it out at What I also am finding is that 3-4 times per month there is a kite in the planets configuration. Those are the times when one can advance forward in whatever thing they wish to advance in. Using the energy of the universe, points us in a clear direction. See I’m not clear on what you are studying, but I do know you have all the tools to be the great success you came to this earth to be!


  17. :( i ll never comment on ur posts again!! see i take so much effort to analyse ur blog posts and u make fun of it… and hello…do i even chat with u now??? see i dont… why wud i chat with ppl who cant go beyond hello! and bye!! (the latter with 2 exclamation marks that is:))


  18. Sometimes, decisions which seem right to some may sound frivolous to others. Maybe he’s screwing up, maybe he’s not, if everything goes according to his plan, he’ll realize what he chose to do was right, if not, he’ll learn a lesson the hard way. Either way, I’d rather learn my lesson than take people’s advise and not do what I intend to do.

    Adi: Agreed. It is true that from where we are standing, the view could be completely different. I’ve experienced it myself


  19. kuch log career ke peeche baal safed karte hain, aur kuch log ladkiyon ke peeche….either way baal safed ho hi jayenge, as for the value: I suppose to each his own…although I’m of the school of thought that shaadi= barbaadi…thesis is safer:)..but hey..that’s just me!

    Adi: Lol, you of all people? :P


  20. As a person utterly hurt by the sentiments of a boy that held on to worthless ‘qualification issues’, I think it’s endearing – each one has their own priorities, and finishing a Masters without a thesis doesn’t make you any less a person, I suppose. But then again, he might realize he wants to go back to school later and wonder why he didn’t write a thesis. Or maybe he’ll be happy because he wanted to give the girl he loved a relatively hassle-free ride into ‘married-life’. Or maybe it won’t work out after all, and he’ll be left wondering why the hell he chose not to work on a thesis option that might have potentially added value to his resume? Only time will tell, probably. But then again, if he is of absolute conviction that his priorities are right, good for him.
    I know a boy that quit his PhD a few months before his dissertation, because the girl he was dating insisted that she was tired of doing long distance, (what with phone-sex just not being the real thing!) and that he move out of college town, America to the Big City, America and move in with her. Word has it that they couldn’t stand living with each other in such close proximity and broke up, and boy started grad school again, and is three years away from graduation.

    Adi: I think it is like the way V put. It’s about ones priorities and the way you look at things. It’s not about thesis is better or non thesis is. It was about why a thesis and why a non-thesis.


  21. The Desi Graduate Student (DGS) (who make up 94% of all bloggers in the world) are an intriguing lot. I read your post again yesterday. When I look at popular DGS opinion on their blogs and on campus, and going by your readers’ comments, I feel let down as a fellow DGS. (Yes, I do cringe when I say DGS)

    What surprises me most is this sort of blind reverence DGSs attribute to the major, the university and the demeanor of another of their kind. Yeh kahaan aa gaye hum? A place where we can pick and choose, a place which caters to exactly what we want. Freedom is a big word here, if you haven’t got the memo yet. If you’re good enough that is. And everyone who is here is good enough. I’m glad that Schmetterling left the comment she did. A choice is a choice is a choice; which we all have to make sometime in our lives. It is NOT indicative of diminished grey cells or compromised values. A PhD student might have joined for a million reasons, all of which might make your ‘perfect role model’, but no matter why they join, what will make them sustain is simply, the thrill of the chase. Which is what research is all about.

    A DGS has a lot of responsibilities to burden. Does one really want to add to that burden with a chip on the shoulder?

    Adi: I understand what you are saying about choice but I don’t see what blind reverence you are talking about here. The decision is definitely not indicative of diminished grey cells or compromised values per se. It’s the rational behind that decision. But that could again be explained by ones priorities/choices but then it is just the way I see it. And don’t even talk about research in the context of these people(including me). You don’t see it because you don’t go to a university that takes in hundreds of desis every year! This goes back again to that convo we had, btw.


  22. I was in a relationship for four years with this guy. He was Hindu, I am Muslim. My family is conservative. His claims to be liberal. I fought with my family, my siblings to be with him. I gave up everything, my family, the one city – the one place on earth I loved and came here to be with him. He cheated on me beginning January 2006 until August 2006. Too late, when I found out. We were here already for the Fall Semester. He risked a two year relationship for a girl on the internet he had never seen. I would have left him, but he begged me not to. And then I could not! He was here for a PhD, me for an MS. I was a year older, my parents urged me to get engaged atleast, to show he had some committment. But he said he wanted to graduate before that, because what would his parents say.Two more years go by, I catch him flirting several times with random girls online. Forgave, forgave, thought he’d grow up, grow out of it – he never did. Finally on his way to India in Dec 07 – he meets a girl on the plane, promises to marry her and what not. I am internet smart. I figure things out. I peeked into his accounts – I spied on him. He cried hoax, but I think he deserved it for breaking my trust. I left him – at a point where finally my parents wanted me to be with him and were upset that I broke up with him. The loss: $4000 towards his car and $1200 towards his Mac Book Pro. 4 years. Loss of parents and siblings trust about my decisions. Loss of friends he stole away by making up stories that I was cheating. Loss of self respect at being slapped when I demanded he leave, it is endless. I grew into a person I was not.

    So when I see somebody who is changing his life for somebody he wants to be with – I appreciate it. That is how it should be, but both ways, always.

    To conclude my irrelevant story and not leave it on this negative note: Things are destined to happen. I am with the most caring, most gentle, most honest and must trustworthy person I have met. If I said I loved him that would be an understatement. I do not have the words for what I feel for him, they do not exist in this reality. I have never been this happy. And he says I deserve to be :) My ferishta, he is. All I have ever prayed for. If not him, nobody else. If not this life, then no other.


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